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Jared and Jesus ジャレッドとキリストの関係Jesus Christ, Jesus Christ,
Thursday, August 14th 2008 My friend's a cunt. His name is Kevin and he's an alcoholic asshole with absolutely no self-control when he gets drunk. Lately, every time he gets drunk, he goes all Dr.Jekyll / Mr.Hyde on me and turns into a verbally abusive monster. I'm personally sick of it. I have to work 24/7 to keep my temper under control, but he gets to blare it unchecked anytime he wants or so it SEEMS. I'm not about all this hollering and yelling bullshit--if you wanna box, let's box: This is my philosophy, which is why I can't talk to Kevin for a while. As soon as he started with the bullshit I begged God for the power to forgive him since it's an issue I know i have to work on. I understand his point of view--I was talking shit about one of his friends and he kinda went off on me. Which is commendable in a way, 'cause I know if someone were talking shit about me, he'd probably defend me as well. But I don't like Kevin's drunken-rage approach to handling problems. It's time for a little apart time. And next time, it's going to be different. I'm starting to realize that the more I hide my true self from people, the less they will respect me. I'm half psycho--it's time I stop hiding it. Thursday, July 24th 2008 I just had a moment with the Lord. I was glancing back on my life...and how I've overcome impossible odds (dramatic, yes, but true). How the Lord has changed peoples' minds and touched peoples' hearts , and how he has put certain people in my life at the exact stage where I needed them (and for some, when they needed me). 1. Katie, freshman year of college, when I needed a true friend who would innocently love me and vice versa. 2. The International House when I needed to get acquainted with Japanese people. 3. Clifton and Chantis and Bozier sophomore summer/junior year of college, when I needed to be surrounded by like-minded people (I think God was saying, "aww, yo fatass...you just ain got aiun backbone" while he pushed me into those boys' direction for strength. 4. How he put Jocelyn Medley, my financial aid counselor, into my life, who without I never would have made it out of college. 5. How he pushed me into Sparling's general direction here in Tokyo to help strengthen me. I think God was thinking, "awww, you juss as ignorant, yesh you iz!" as he pushed me into Entopia with this random Canadian kid. I think we both needed to be around each other. This Catholic-raised farm boy Canadian was a little too up-tight and quietly arrogant before he met me, and this abrasive North Carolina boy wasn't embracing his up-tight and quietly arrogant side. Anyways, the point is, when I think about how God has guided me from the moment I was born, I'm filled with glee, 'joy' if you will, and then I'm almost moved to tears. It's in this very moment that I realize: I should not worry. My sin I confessed to God this evening: The inability to forgive. I'm almost incapable of it--especially when I think of the horrible things people have done and/or said to me when I didn't deserve it. But I begged God to soften my heart...like it used to be when I was a child. Hell, I've done and said horrible things to people before when they didn't deserve it...maybe that will help me to let go of my grudges. Sometimes this house is weird...it's like I can feel evil/angry spirits in here. They seem to get really angry when I pray to Jesus or talk about Jesus...I feel them in the stairwell and in the kitchen, sometimes outside of my door. So tonight I banished them in the name of Jesus...I was praying to my God tonight, in MY room, minding MY business when all of a sudden anger comes rushing to me...like from in front of me, from the side of my face. I even feel an animal-like hissing/growling momentarily in my face because of the intensity of it. And I'm like, "Fuck you, this is my house, or at least I'm renting it at the moment, and I can pray to who I want, so get out, in the name of Jesus." I prayed that in the name of his blood, only me and him would be allowed in here tonight, and forever...but especially tonight. So get out. I could feel my skin tingle as I prayed this, all up my back, along my arms, balling my hands into fists. Angry spirits that get even more pissed when I pray to Jesus? You know people don't generally get angry about something unless it's true. And I hear the devil gets super-mad when you pray to Jesus and try to get close to Jesus. Guess he's getting pissed at me. And I guess he's hating me even more now. Jesus, help me. And he will help me. I'm starting to realize that after all's said and done, there is only one truth, and that's the Bible, universal truths that have been summed up into one superb book. I think everything we've always wanted to know is right in front of our noses, but is hard to see because it's so close. Or we don't want to see. God, love me, love me. Saturday, July 19th 2008 Prayer is Powerful: My best friend Chaiku (Ikue) hasn't been feeling well lately, whether or not she wanted to admit it. Her heart is in America, like mine is in Japan. But, unfortunately, getting a visa to live in America is a bitch nowadays if you're not a student. Anywho, she was forced to move back to Japan and has been staying here in Tokyo close to me for about 2 years...working a job she feels profoundly indifferent towards and just dreaming of America. She never said she was unhappy but you could tell in her voice...her cadence at the end of her sentences sounded a little less enthusiastic and she just sounded different in general for the last 6 months. Anywho, Ikue loves the sea like yours truly loves pork chops. Getting a job at an aquarium in the past proved futile, but didn't stop her from hopping on the first plane to Okinawa when she was randomly offered an aquarium job there 7 days ago. The position would start in less than 3 weeks, meaning she would have to move from Tokyo, quit her job, and basically turn her life upside down (in a much-welcomed and positive way) in a very short amount of time. She went to the interview and left feeling that it went extremely well. But still she was nervous, saying they hadn't called her back yet, so she probably didn't get the job. I prayed...like 15 times. Our other mutual friend Anya (Anna) prayed. And Ikue has been praying everyday for the past 2 months I think. Ikue is tough--she's made of thick fiber and could handle the rejection and disappointment but I begged God not to let her go through it. Then I left it alone. Ikue came back from Okinawa about 3 hours ago, and called me just 1 hour ago to tell me that when she got back to her apartment in Tokyo, there was an e-mail from the aquarium people in Okinawa saying she had gotten the job!!!!!!!!!!! I remember rehearsing a bitchy complaint letter to God in case he didn't let her get the job, so I guess I owe the man upstairs an apology for doubting him, and a thank you for giving my loved one what she wants and needs the most. Doors will open now for Ikue and her dreams are gonna start coming true. Hell, she might even mess around and meet a husband in Okinawa to get married to and get American citizenship one day!! hehe ^_^ Thanks, God. If I have a problem, I'm always gonna come to you first with it. -Love, your fat gummy bear, Jared Thursday, July 17th 2008 ...in a way i dont believe in the conventional Christian god either. Because people like to add hate into religion. The only thing that makes me stick to Christianity is this: when I think that maybe,just maybe one day before, there was a man on the earth. and he was god himself come down to handle some stuff. Sometimes when i imagine it, i see it clearly. I've seen it clearly maybe about 3 times and when i do, that's when i know its true." --Jared Weeks I was just in the presence of the Lord Jesus Christ himself. My body completely frozen still, head down, hands palm-up in front of me. He came. I was praying. The room filled. I can't look. I dare not open them. He was here. i thought about telling my mom what happened. then i asked Him to visit my mom. i asked him to heal the wound on my right hand. Wait..head bowed. he watched me. a wave of something over my body. strong pressure on my eyes. everything black. then he took me somewhere. sucked me through black time and space (it looked like we were out in space). rushing black and purple around me. my heart beat fast. and faster. everything black. why did he bring me here? i asked where we were. is this heaven? i asked him if I could see heaven before. is this heaven? i could move again. my eyes. the light of my bedroom again. i looked down at my right hand. the wound is still there. What happened BEFORE God visited me tonight? Somewhere between 1:32am and 1:55am, I had a strong urge to talk to God. I put down my laptop and got my pad and pen out (I like to write down what I'm thankful for. then i say it out loud. helps). I thanked God for: this house, Brendan, Soji, Mommy, Daddy, Israel, Ara-E, Bozier, Clifton, Chantis, Chaiku (help her pass her interview tomorrow), Anya (stay away from psychos), the food I ate today (chicken sandwich, fries, ice cream), giving me the opportunity to be free of the control of man (ie. this online "business" of mine), and Thank you for sending Jesus to die for my sins...I know he experienced something really really horrible that i can't quite fathom. I wrote this all in my notebook before Jesus came to visit me tonight Then I told him to love me hard if he is going to love me. Love me hard. Love me. Love me. Love me. Love me. I repeated. I imagined God, I imagined Jesus, I confessed my love for God and I pledged my soul and undying love. I pledged and vowed with all my heart and soul because before February 5th, 2008, I had no soul. If I did, it was not awake. It was not something...it just was NOT, period. Now my soul burns so hotly in my chest I can feel it in my flesh. ..when I meet God in all his glory/splendor/light/radiance(words CANNOT describe.do not try) that will be the day I will be meeting my true love and when my heart explodes releasing all the unexpressed love in my heart that is meant for him. Jesus is the one I'm saving all my love for. I imagined being in heaven and being sad because I couldn't see God even though I knew he was there. Then I imagined Jesus (made of something that can only be described as moving fountain water) and I grabbed his hand. He grabbed mine too and he kissed me. I thought that maybe my evil human mind had imagined something evil in the middle of my prayer, so I begged God's forgiveness out loud for any thoughts that might be unacceptable to him. I sat up in my bed, closed my eyes and started to sing: I will have no other God before you, Only you will reign as my heart's king, I will have no other God before you, I will put you first in everything. Then I sang: Lord, you are more precious than silver, Lord, you are more costly than gold, Lord, you are more beautiful than diamonds, And nothing that I design compares with you. -out of nowhere the room slowly, seamlessly filled with something- Then, eyes still closed, my head instinctively jerked down as low as my neck muscles could physically make it go..my body froze. Almost as if cowering, but no...absolute reverence .he had been listening, and was touched by my prayer??? here now, in front of me, around me. i know cuz i can't open my eyes.
As a Christian, I'm trying on a daily basis to STOP trying so much. Tuesday, July 1st 2008 My brother applied to the Japanese branch of his company here in Tokyo. They politely rejected his application, saying they'd "keep it on file in case any suitable positions come up." We all know what that means. Anyways, I figure the company would have driven him insane, so God made it so that Ayako would turn down his request for a transfer there. I prayed that God would touch Ayako's mind and make her accept his application--God has touched peoples' minds and hearts for me in the past on MANY an occasion. But he didn't this time. Which is why I know that path would have ended up hurting my brother and other people in the long run. Hurting, or just not contributing as much good to the world. My first application to come to Japan was rejected as well. And, naturally, I was devastated like my brother was when he was rejected last week--hell, I thought I wasn't gonna go to Japan anymore. But, I applied to a company I never considered before...NOVA, a factory English conversation school that is notorious for being only caring about money...not student or employee-focused, but money focused, which ultimately spelled it's demise. NOVA, which was once the largest, most powerful and famous English conversation school in all of Japan went bankrupt, and the president was arrested and is in jail as of 3 days ago. I pray I never get blinded by money and turn evil like that. But, I think Jesus is watching me and will make sure I don't. I asked him to make sure I don't. It's so easy to sell your soul for a buck without even realizing it. Anyways, my brother is going to apply to Temple University for Spring 2009!!! 1. Like me, he's considering an option he never would have considered before. 2. He will have a lot more freedom as a student to enjoy all the beautiful things Japan has to offer. He's putting in his application this week. I'm sure they'll accept his application. Hell, I'm even thinking about applying to Temple University for Spring of 2009. If Jesus continues to bless this website, my brother and I can use the money I get from it for our tuition (I think Temple University is like $15K a semester Expensive, huh? But Jesus said to Ask and You Shall Receive. So, I'm asking. God, please send my brother to Tokyo. Send him to Temple and grant him happiness that has been absent in his life. And while you're at it, send me there too, please. I want to have a masters before I go back into the "work field." Monday, June 30th, 2008 I just read something that got my attention. Something that I always have a tendency to do because of my personality. It was on a webpage (I forget the address) and it said basically that prayer is powerful and we should not take for granted the things granted to us through prayer. I think God is a big sweetheart. So, if we pray and ask God for something, lots of times, he will give it to us just to be nice. So, if you pray for more money and you get more money, you'd better say thank you. If you pray for close friends and you get the best friends of your life, you'd better say thank you. If you pray for a healthy relationship and you meet a soul-mate, you'd better say thank you. If you pray to be calm when you're nervous, If you pray for things to go smoothly with a client, If you pray for protection from physical injury when you play a sport, If you pray to have your eyes always be aware of the truth and to reject lies, If you pray for peace when you feel like you're going nuts, Whatever you do, you'd better say thank you. I think God is sweet enough to keep giving us beautiful things in our life (blessings) even if we don't thank him... But I'd eventually get pretty pissed if I kept helping out a loved one financially or emotionally and they never extended one word of gratitude to me. I'd be like, "Um, what about me? I gave you all that shit... Genesis 1:27 says "So God created man in his own image..." Since this was written before Jesus came, it's referring to God the Father, the invisible omnipresent God. And since God the Father is invisible, that passage in Genesis is referring to the intangible similarities that man has with God. God is love. Man can love. and man can get pissed (read above about ungrateful loved ones) and God can get pissed too. I'm not claiming to know whether or not God takes away blessings from his ungrateful children as punishment, or as a way to snap them awake and remember Him. But maybe it's both. Anyways, the point is, if you notice something good in your life, ask yourself, "Did I ask for this recently?" Jesus said in Matthew 7:7 "Ask and it will be given to you." Now, Jesus never said, "Once you get the stuff you ask for, send us a Thank-You prayer-a-gram." but I think we should. Thank you, Jesus, for my house, my family, my friends, loved ones including those dogs back in North Carolina, my peace of mind, my happiness, my soul, my voice. Thank you, Jesus, for bacon, karaoke, bananas, yogurt (I'm lactose intolerant but live yogurt cultures help to digest lactose, rendering yogurt from a sure-fire ass explosion to a next-to-harmless treat), miniature dauschunds and siamese cats. Thank you, Jesus, for the laugh of a child, for karate practice, for my strength, for helping me to smile and laugh through pain (try a Tokyo train at rush-hour lol), for my brother, my mother, father, and the rest of my siblings and family that I can't see this summer. K, next subject. :) hehe. Here's a picture of me in Tokyo yesterday holding my student Mari's mega-cool Japanese-style umbrella. There is only one of it's kind in the whole world and it costs close to 400 bucks. That means it would cost you double to buy it in your country, bub. hehe 
Thursday, June 26th, 2008 My soul was like a hot fire blazing in my chest the entire day. Maybe 'cause I was singing "Without You" for the majority of the day, the song I made my most personal and intimate prayer to the man upstairs. I think God likes when I sing that song now. I was singing it on the train, and my soul blazed up (imagine throwing lighter fluid onto a barbecue...and then continuing to add the fluid continuously for about 20 minutes). My soul flares up like that when God comes a-knockin'. I sang it at home, walking on the street, and even now in my bedroom and my soul is flaring brightly, hot in my chest. I think God likes to hang out...if that makes sense. Spiritual Epiphany Now, don't think me depressed, 'cause I love my life. I feel very blessed. However, there is so much hurt and pain in the world. So much loss (I'm thinking of the 800 people lost at sea last week, the slayings in Tokyo the week before, the missing children, abusive relationships, loveless families, etc). And then I think about how people are constantly searching for happiness, and sometimes think they can find it in another person. But then I think about how often that fails (I'm thinking of my best friend's failed abusive marriage and countless other failed relationships I've read and heard about). So the point is, most people give up on trying to find happiness through another person, and they get bitter. And then I think that once upon a time, on this very Earth, there was a man, just as real as the asshole you live next-door to, a living breathing person...and he created the whole universe. And he loved you to death. And he said where he lived before was a perfect place, outside of time, a place with only love. And he said that even though it's not supposed to be allowed, he was gonna make it so that you can come live with him there. And when I think of this, I'm moved beyond tears. I know that if someone loved us so much as to do that, he would do everything in his power to get everyone he possibly could to come back with him. That's why I don't believe that only Christians are going to heaven. Jesus said that nobody gets to the Father but through him. This is true, but who is to say that Jesus does not work through people who don't identify as being 'Christian'? Who's to say that people have to be fully aware of Jesus' presence for him to use them for his purposes and for him to shape their hearts in the way that he sees fit? According to John, God is love. I've seen many non-Christians motivated solely by love and selfless thoughts. That's why I think everyone should just chill out and let everyone else be until Jesus gets back. I don't like to throw around Bible verses to prove points, but it does say that there will come the day where everyone will have to admit Jesus is King. And I think it will be just that. I don't think there will be tricks and traps so anyone who has ever had doubt will fall into hell. I think things will be clear and simple.
I think J.C. watches me in my sleep. Tuesday, June 17th, 2008 I'm the type of person that is hyper-sensitive emotionally. I've even been described as being "delicate." I don't think it's a bad thing. I'm one of the only people I know who will actually listen and empathize with other peoples' problems no matter how tired I am, or whether or not I'm in a good mood. I just feel for people because I know how excruciating emotional pain can be. (And when I say 'excruciating', I mean excruciating...I had an incident last week. Read below if you want details). Anywho, the point is that I always tell God when I'm in pain. I'm not scared to speak up to the man upstairs if I'm unhappy because for one, If God agrees that your situation sucks, he will feel bad for you and give you something to make you happy. And two, if God disagrees, then he'll bring some news to your mind that will make you yourself realize, "I need to quit my bitching because there are a lot of good things going for me right now." So, I'd like to take some time now to quit my bitching and thank God in writing for all the fabulous things in my life: 1. I live in Tokyo, 'nuff said. 2. I have an awesome job. My professional life for once is not depression-inducing. 3. I have awesome friends who understand, love, and respect me. 4. Although my family has gone through some drama that could really get us invited to be guests on The Tyra Banks Show and Oprah, there is peace and also a sense of love now that never existed before. 5. I have my health, as corny as it sounds. Seeing as how I used to smoke cigarettes, use ephedrine regularly when it was legal in America, and never ate fresh fruits or vegetables, I think I'm fairing well now. ie. I still have full lung, heart and brain function...hehe... "Why I laugh?" <--Joke from the Simpsons for my roommate in case he reads this lol. 6. I've gone through a lot of bad, so I can appreciate good things now that I would otherwise have taken for granted. 7. I study karate in Tokyo from a sensei who looks like Ryu from Street-Fighter...BEYOND cool. 8. I have a roof over my head and delicious food to eat 「美味しいものいっぱい食べています。」 (I love eating...really...it makes me very happy lol). The list could go on forever, but I'm sticking to "short and sweet" tonight. :) Spiritual Update: I always lift up a "Take care of me, PLEASE!!!!" prayer to God. When I say this prayer, I feel naked and bare. Desperate, even. It's my depending-on-other-people-didn't-work- and-all-I-have-is-you-now-so-I'm-begging-you-from- the-bottom-of-my-heart prayer. And I can only honestly express it to God when I'm singing. My soul cannot express this kind of emotion to the Lord if I'm only talking. So, anyways, I used to sing "Alone" by Heart as my prayer of desperation and pleading to God, but I found a new song that captures the emotion even better: "Without You" by Mariah Carey, interpreted in this version by recent American Idol artist Carly Smithson. PS: Go Carly!! I love you!!!! hehehe (I put it 5 whole-steps down in karaoke, so it doesn't sound a hot mess, don't worry.) Bible verses related to me and this lottery I'm trying to win: Matthew 19:23-24 Then Jesus said to his disciples, "I tell you the truth, it is hard for a rich man to enter the kingdom of heaven. Again I tell you, it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the kingdom of God." Analysis: This verse caught my eye. Like really caught my eye. I didn't feel guilty, but it made me think. Wanting to win large amounts of money for the sake of having large amounts of money in and of itself is greed. Ooo Lord, the word of God will sneak up on you. Jesus said in Matthew 6:24 No one can serve two masters...You cannot serve both God and Money. Analysis: As I sit here and type this, I kid you not, the word of God is hitting me smack in the face...I feel it down in the pit of my soul. Before, I wanted to change my prayer to ask for less money, but money nonetheless. Now I realize I shouldn't be hoping and praying for weeks at a time for money...I should probably be praying for other things. I'll get back to you when I figure out what those other things are. I really think God is trying to tell me, "Jared, shut up about the damned money...I got it. You don't have to worry about that." Because Jesus said in Matthew 6:8: "....your Father knows what you need before you ask him." Oh, guys, check out the link at the top of this page--it's American Idol's Carly Smithson singing Jesus Christ Superstar.
Thursday, June 12th, 2008 I just wanted to take a moment to write in my blog about 2 things. One, my brother is as in love with everything Japanese as I am. For whatever reason, I got to come and live in Japan 3 years before he did... Anyways, let's just say that he'd rather drown to death on his own vomit than continue living and working in America. I feel his pain--I love my friends and family in America and miss them, but I don't miss America itself. I know for a fact that when God created my fat-ass, he smiled, held me in his big God hands, tickled my stomach and said, "I'mma send yo fatass to Japan...you juss as cute, yesh you iz!" LOL! Point is, I belong in Japan, not America. And I think my brother might belong here too. Last night I had a vivid dream about my brother being here in Japan with me. He was wearing a suit (I have no idea what I was wearing), and we were in a Japanese office. I went to pee and left him to fend for himself for 5 minutes with the office workers in Japanese. He looked happy and excited, and I wasn't worried about him. Point is, I think this dream was a premonition of sorts. The reason I say this is because my brother and I both were having an EXTREMELY emotional week last week. I'm talking about irritability, mood swings..a complete emotional rollercoaster. My brother doesn't have the comfort of being in Japan, so he seemed to be taking it harder than me. That's when I broke down and had a very real conversation with the Lord. What followed was a 15 minute diatribe, full of North Carolinian colloquialisms, saying that I know God has a plan for all of us, but enough is enough and please just hurry up and get my brother to Japan because he's obviously not happy in America. Yes, my brother has an extremely big heart and I know tons of people probably depend on his kindness, but at this rate, his happiness is going to vanish completely...so what's the point of keeping him in America? I think he's gonna be in Japan before the end of this year, and hope he will be here to live--he applied for the Tokyo division of his company this month. We're just waiting to hear the reply. I know for a fact he's coming in September to visit, but as far as living here, I'm not sure yet...Maybe he's just stressed and only needs a vacation in Japan. Or maybe he does belong here like me. Who knows. But I just wanted to document my premonition-esque dream just in case it came to pass. Second thing: I was saying my usual prayers before bed, and I asked Jesus for his company all throughout the night while I slept. I felt the usual rush of his love through my soul right after the prayer. Like a powerful yet gentle burning deep in my chest that forces my eyes closed shut. I also asked him to heal my fingers while I slept (I got 2 nasty gashes a few days ago that cut my fingers kinda deep. I've been keeping band-aids on them, but the gashes have remained open for about 3 days with no signs of healing anytime soon). In the morning, the gashes in my fingers were closed completely. Of course, I told the Lord thank you. And like an idiot, I went to karate practice and punched the punching bag for a half hour straight and opened them up again. God must have been rolling his eyes and slapping his forehead when he saw me doing it. lol I'll just ask Jesus to heal them again. Matthew 15, 21-28 Jesus went to Tyre and Sidon to heal some people. This Canaanite woman asked Jesus to heal her demon-possessed daughter. Jesus did not answer, but his disciples said, "She won't leave us alone, PLEASE get rid of her." So Jesus fronted like he wasn't going to help her to test her faith, saying his "bread" (miracles) were not meant for "dogs" (her race). But she responded to Jesus, saying that whatever scraps ("crumbs") he could give her would be more than okay. Jesus was happy with her strong faith in his abilities and healed his daughter on the spot. I think the point is, and I think Mariah and Whitney said it best, "There can be miracles, when you believe." Okay, I'm teary now. Jesus is interesting. He has so many different names according to different languages...I'll do a wiki search and include them in here, but I stick fast to my notion that I don't think that Jesus likes me calling him by the name "Jesus." Call me crazy, but I think it pisses him off. Again, for those of you who don't know me, if I love you, a sign of affection I display is the deliberate butchering of your name. I have always liked "Hey-soos" so maybe I'll call Jesus "Hey-soos." I like "Jeh-soos" even more, because it's like a Jesus/Hey-soos hybrid. Or maybe I don't even have to call him by his name. Maybe all Jesus wants us to do is feel him, live with him and walk with him. Maybe labels don't matter. Wednesday, June 11th, 2008 Updated!!! What God just did for me in the last hour: Time now: 6:27PM Time when this all happened: One hour ago Events leading up to this: As I'm developing this site, there are many behind-the-scenes things that I have to do as a web-builder. This includes getting my site to even REGISTER on the major search engines like google and Ask. To get your website to register on a search engine, you have to be listed under a major directory like DMOZ or Yahoo. So, a month and a half ago, I applied to be an editor to DMOZ for the category my website fits under--I figure I can get my site listed myself personally AND get some valuable editorial experience. So, I applied. and They rejected my application. Boo-hoo. I got discouraged. Didn't think about a major directory for about 3 weeks. I concentrated my energies elsewhere (getting inbound links, adding more content to my site, etc). What happened today: I woke up today and prayed for the motivation to work on my website. I had been trying for days to make MP3s and labels for the new section of this webpage which will be named "Your Private English Lesson." On it will be typical phrases like, "I have no idea what you just said," "Do you teach on weekdays?" and "I'm so sorry I'm late." The task of making labels and MP3s isn't in and of itself a time-consuming job...but the motivation was not there and what would normally be a 3-hour task was turning into a 3-day task. Around 4PM, my low motivation turned into absolutely NO motivation. And something funny happened. Out of nowhere, I had a strong urge to go to the DMOZ website and re-apply for the editing position they had previously rejected me for. So, I said a prayer and re-applied. Upon re-applying I realized I had made a mistake on my application that would probably cause me to be rejected again. I was really pissed at myself, and even went as far as to change my MSN screenname to "Jared is a fucking SPAZZ!!!" I went to my room and asked God why he filled me with the motivation to re-apply if he knew I was just going to be rejected again. I told him that I know we must fail in order to learn from our mistakes and grow..once, yeah, but twice on the same thing?? I told him I just could not see the point. 'Cause I'm sitting here trying my best to understand him, but I only felt confused... I told him that if they were going to reject my application, could he please make them do it a bit quicker so I could re-apply and finally be accepted (last time they took 6 weeks to reject my application, and some DMOZ applications can take as long as 3 months for a reply). I also told God that if I had it all wrong, and that if they were going to accept my application that: 1. I'm sorry for doubting him 2. I'm going to tell everybody that if you pray for something from God and you feel him start to move in your life, even if something seems unfathomable to your human logic, you gotta trust God. And if you still have doubts, you can voice them and he will offer you comfort. 3. I'm thankful. I ended the prayer in Jesus' name and proceeded downstairs to pee. Then something strange happened.All I felt was a strong urge to go to my computer. And I also felt my soul dancing around in my chest the way it does whenever God fills it. I said out loud, "Lord, I hear you callin', so I'm gonna go upstairs to my computer." When I got near my computer, I felt God's presence even stronger...I can only describe it like my soul being on fire, and just feeling a subtle sense of ecstacy. My left eye twitched. Checked my e-mail. Nothing. Checked the DMOZ message board. There was a response from a moderator hinting that my application was going to be rejected again. I responded to it and told them I would be more careful on my next application. Checked my e-mail again. DMOZ had e-mailed me back in 45 MINUTES and told me they had ACCEPTED my application!!!! Last time it took them 6 weeks to REJECT my application, and this time it took them 45 minutes to accept it. Lessons to be learned: 1. God likes and responds more when you are honest. ie. Talk to him like he were a real person standing right in front of you. 2. If you believe in him and you know how to recognize him working in your life, trust him, even if it doesn't make sense to you. 3. If you trust him and still have doubt, TELL HIM!!!! He will bring you comfort, help you, bless you and love you. I LOVE GOD!!! HE'S THE MAN!!!!!!!!!!! WOO-HOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! Jesus Christ Superstaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrr!!! Yeeaaaaaah!!! Wednesday, June 11th, 2008 I had another dream last night about my family. My grandmother was there, brothers, sister, everybody. There was a lot going on, something about cats running around (my dreams can get a little convoluted), but the one thing that I remember distinctly is that we were all about to enjoy a meal together. We prepared the food in one house and then walked down to the road to actually eat the meal in another house. Strange thing is, the whole dream was set right here in Saitama (a state, or prefecture, if you will, in Japan). I'm hoping that the dream is some kind of premonition to let me know that God is going to make a way for me to see my family and friends in North Carolina next month. In March, I received $800 for a plane ticket to America out of the blue just 3 weeks before I wanted to go, so I'm not doubting that extra money can or will fall into my lap last-minute. My family reunion is July 4th weekend, which is in less than 4 weeks. I'm not sure if July 4th actually falls on a weekend this year, but it has a nice ring to it. :) Last night, while laying in bed preparing to pass out, I randomly broke into song. Usually, I just say my prayers. But yesterday, my soul was fluttering around in my chest a lot, so I felt a song would sound more sincere to God. I just made up the melody and lyrics as I went along (way cool, huh?) and I basically asked for him to send his angels to watch over me and to keep me from stepping into life's potholes. For those of you who can't understand what I mean by the metaphor "life's potholes," I'll explain: Sometimes human beings make stupid decisions about what job to take, their priorities, how they treat their friends and family, their general health, etc. And sometimes, we CONFIDENTLY make stupid decisions, because we as human beings have a tendency to be arrogant and hypocritical--I do it, my best friends do it, my parents do it, we ALL do it. And we need help to make good decisions when we're unable to by ourselves. Anyways, after singing the ab-lib song to the man upstairs, I went to sleep and I think I had a dream about Jesus. There was a random guy with really dark hair and dark eyes who had his head in my lap, looking up. I reached down, put my arms around his head and kissed his forehead. He smiled and I could feel a lot of love. I think it was J.C. (Jesus) because for the first time in about 7 days, I didn't wake up in a bad mood. I've kind of been an emotional rollercoaster lately, so any moments of happiness and peace that I feel lately, I give credit to God for. Matthew 6:6: "But when you pray, go into your room, close the door and pray to your Father, who is unseen. Then your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you." I have countless prayers I say that I will never mention on this site. The ones I do mention are meant to inspire people. God does answer prayers. Just be specific. And keep your eyes open for the answer--there's not going to be a chime or a buzzer that signals when God has officially answered your prayer. Tuesday, June 10th, 2008 I had a dream last night that would lead me to believe my brother and I are going to be coming into a lot of money pretty soon. But, for some reason, I'm not going to be receiving a credit card (Yes, I know this sounds random, but I applied for a Japanese line of credit for the 5th time a few weeks ago). We'll see. Some friends and I entered the Dream Jumbo lottery, a new summer lottery in Japan, and are hoping to win the 3 billion yen jackpot (about 3 million dollars). I know there are a handful of readers who might be rolling their eyes right now, but a guy's gotta hold onto something, doesn't he? Hehe. Well, I prayed to win on about 6 different occasions and plan on splitting the money evenly between all my loved ones if I win, giving us all roughly $166,000US a piece. I want to donate to some domestic violence shelters as well, but the point is that I'm not going to keep all of the money to myself if I win. I also had a dream about the 2nd coming of Jesus Christ. So, a stereotypical Jesus (see image above) had come back and was talking to university students, families, and everyone in general. Even Carrie Underwood was there asking him for his autograph...which is very bizarre now that I think about it I went to tell him, "Hey-soos, I love you!" but it didn't really feel right. I also tried to talk to him telepathically (feel free to roll your eyes), but he couldn't hear my thoughts. So, I'm guessing that the Jesus in my dream was one of the "false Christs" that they mention in Matthew 24: "For false Christs and false prophets will arise and perform great signs and wonders." I guess when Jesus actually does come back (I say 'actually' because I'm emotional lately and want him to hurry up and come back already. According to the Bible, thousands of years and a few days are all the same to God, because he exists in eternity, outside of time. But, I'm a human and don't have godly patience.) it will be unmistakable. Again, according to Matthew 24: "For as lightning that comes from the east is visible even in the west, so will be the coming of the Son of Man." I'm guessing that the second coming of Jesus will be pretty dramatic.
Sunday, June 1st, 2008 Jesus pops up randomly when you don't expect him to. With that being said, I feel it important to note that I don't think God likes when I call him "Jesus." I think he likes when I call him "Hey-soos," the Spanish rendition of his name. Native Spanish speaking readers, please forgive the fact that I don't know the spelling. Anywho, anything in my life that I love, I call by a nickname. This includes my mom, dad, best friends and even my old cat. You can tell I love you a lot if I always call you by your last name or a nickname. SO, I think it pisses God off if I refer to him by his regular name. Anyways.Usually I teach six to seven back-to-back private English lessons on a typical Sunday. However, today was different. For some reason, I only had 3 scheduled lessons today originally. When my 2 o'clock cancelled and my 12:30 no-showed, I realized I had a full afternoon to myself, free to do whatever I wanted. So, like any self-respecting glutton (joke), I head to the nearest curry shop in Ikebukuro for some chicken katsu curry, and then to the local karaoke box in Hibarigaoka for a half-hour full of Heart, Christina Aguilera and Whitney Houston. During my usual take of "The Voice Within", I felt something deep in my chest fluttering...a longing to do something that I couldn't put into words. Raw emotion surging. An urge to cry, but not with tears. Yes, Jesus has this spiritual ring-tone, for lack of a better word, but I didn't think of this immediately. As a musician, this phenomenon can happen when you feel you didn't play or sing a particular part of a song as well as you could have, SO...I thought I just needed to sing the song with more feeling: I rewound the song 2 times, embellishing the runs as much as I could, still not quenching this longing. I tried the same thing with the theme from The Bodyguard, "I Will Always Love You" to no avail. It was at this point that I knew the Holy Spirit had come a-knockin'. Similar to like when I called him that night on February 5th. It wasn't surprising. 15 minutes earlier, I was singing "Alone" by Heart and I called out to God for his company. God's good like that. He comes when you call him. Sometimes his presence is so soothing you don't even know he's there. But sometimes his presence is very clear and hard to miss, like this time. Only thing is, I didn't exactly know what He wanted (Anybody else debate with the issue of whether or not to capitalize the masculine personal pronoun 'he' when talking about Jesus/God). Since I was at a karaoke box, I felt I should just continue singing. My 30 minutes had run out, so I phoned the front desk to ask, "San-juppun enchou dekimasu ka?"(May I have a 30 minute extension?). Being that this place was local, the usual answer to such a common-placed request would be a simple, "Yes you may. Thank you. Enjoy." HOWEVER, today, randomly, the answer was, "No, I'm sorry, we're booked up tight." Odd. So, with an apathetic shoulder shrug, I scooped up my bags and proceeded to head home to work on my webpage. That's when it occurred to me to check out the starting time of the local church's afternoon service on the way home. I had thought about going to the church before going to karaoke, fearing being late or missing it entirely. But something told me, "Go to karaoke. Don't worry about the time. God will make sure you make it to the service in plenty of time." And that little voice was right. As I walked by the little local church, it was just turning about 1:55pm. Afternoon service started at 2pm. Coincidence? Yeah right. God set it up. I followed a little Filipino lady up a flight of narrow stairs into a quaint little church that looked like it used to be a small office building. Surprisingly, I was greeted by a whole bunch of round, dark-complexioned faces with a chorus of "Hello!!"s instead of the customary "Konnichi wa!"s that one typically gets in Japan. This is when I realized this church was composed of primarily Filipinos. I signed my name in Japanese and English, took a program, and rushed to the nearest bathroom to re-apply my deodorant, as I was beginning to offend. The bathroom was full of adorable munchkins who were lined up to pee. It reminded me of Krispy Kreme on a Saturday in Shinjuku (the line was very long). Glancing at my cell-phone, I realized time had run out. So, I rush back out to my seat, take my place and start singing hymns with the rest of the congregation. One of the songs was Amazing Grace. The first verse was the standard "amazing grace, how sweet the sound, that saved a wretch like me...was blind but now I see." The second verse was IN JAPANESE!! (Way cool). The third verse was "Thank you Jesus, Thank you Jesus, Thank you Jesus" to the tune of verses 1 and 2. Interesting. But easy to understand for non-native English speakers, so I can see why they chose to go with it. All the while, I'm hoping that with every body sway and clap I'm NOT wafting waves of toxic fumes to the people around me. The service was interesting and I got very emotional. One, because for once, I was surrounded by other people who were in awe of the creator of time and space. And two, because I was using my gift (my voice) to sing spiritual songs. The pastor was actually an older Japanese lady, and there were a few messages in the service today: 1. Be honest with God. You don't have to bullshit or lie because he knows what's up anyways. 2. God will take mundane things in your life and do amazing things with them (reference to Moses and his staff used to part the Red Sea). 3. Communion--drinking the grape juice and the bread doesn't purify you or make you holy. Grace does that. The juice and bread is just so we remember what Jesus did for us such a long time ago. It's simple..and pretty effective. Because even within Christianity, the sacrifice of Jesus is very easy to forget. Sure, God set it up that all my lessons were pretty-much cancelled today and that I walked by the church at the exact right moment to attend service...but what about next Sunday? I would love to be a part of a church and contribute as a member, but I work full-time on the weekends. I prayed and told God that if he wants me to go to that church every Sunday, then please make a way for me to supplement my Sunday income to do so. I'm really not worried, though. As cliche as it sounds, I firmly believe that through God all things are possible. I wouldn't be surprised if my life changed completely in 5 days. And I wouldn't be surprised if it stayed the same. After giving Jesus control of your life, one thing you come to realize is that...you don't have any power. With all your good intentions, you can't do a jack thing besides trying not to be a complete asshole. The rest, you just pray about and leave up to God to work out the details. Then, he'll guide you like he guided me to that little church in Hibarigaoka today. Please enter the Password.
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